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QUIT QUARRELING

A Meditation on Proverbs 17:14 & 20:3

The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before a

quarrel breaks out” (Pro. 17:14). My thesis for this devotional is very simple, but it will be difficult to apply: It is never right to quarrel, so quit quarreling. I intentionally used the word never to stress the absoluteness of the command. Our relativistic age wants to think that there are exceptions to every command. And of course we tend to imagine that our situation is the exception to the rule. However, there are no exceptions. God’s word is not a wax nose that bends to fit our seemingly unique experience. Furthermore, God did not fail to take our circumstances into account when he gave his commands.

Regrettably, all of us know the heartache of quarreling. There-fore, to put an end to this sin it may be helpful to examine a few reasons for why quarreling happen. First, quarreling sometimes results from hubris. Whether we mean to say this or not, an arrogant spirit communicates, “You’re an idiot. You don’t have the intellectual prowess or spiritual discernment I have. You’d be a fool not to follow my insight.” Such an attitude is a surefire way to provoke a quarrel.

Second, quarreling is often the result of rebellion. Our egalitarian, anti-establishment, revolutionary culture despises what God has instituted, namely authority structures. Unless sin is involved there is to be unilateral submission by citizens to the government, by employees to employers, by a wife to her husband, by children to their parents, by a congregation to its elders. Many quarrels are simply a defiance of God-given authority—and they are unnecessary.

Third, we quarrel because we’re selfish. “You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel” (Jam. 4:2). Sometimes we adults can be just as childish as the two year old boy who refuses to share his Tonka truck with his friend.

Fourth, quarrels breakout when the flesh takes over. The works of the flesh are evident, and among them are many quarrel inducing characteristics, including enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of rage, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, and things like these (Gal. 5:19-20). Finally, we quarrel, because we’re convinced we can change situations and people with quarreling. But quarreling is never God’s appointed means for change. “And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will” (2 Tim. 2:24-26). God’s appointed means for change is not quarreling, but kindness, patience and gentleness (the fruit of the Spirit verses the works of the flesh). If we apply these means, “God may perhaps grant them repentance.” It is God who changes people—period. If we get to be a part of his work—great, but if we don’t apply his means, we will only get in his way and hinder the process.

There are many different ways we could apply this last point. For example, when it comes to evangelism, we need to be careful that apologetics isn’t just intellectual quarreling. The assumption seems to be that if you can win the argument, you can win the soul. But as one of my college professors warned me, based on his own experience, if our attitude is not kind, patient and gentle, we can win the argument and lose the soul.

You might be right, Mr. Employee about what is best for the company, but it is wrong to quarrel with those over you. You might be right Mrs. Wife, but if you quarrel with your husband don’t be surprised if he starts spending more time in the workshop (Pro. 21:9).

“It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling” (Pro. 20:3).

“But what if I’m wronged?” you ask.

Here’s the hard answer, “Allow yourself to be wronged.”

“Yah but,” you protest, “that could cost me.”

Perhaps it could. I don’t mean to be trite, but trust God, like Isaac did. “But when Isaac’s servants dug in the valley and found there a well of spring water, the herdsmen of Gerar quarreled with Isaac’s herdsmen saying, ‘The water is ours’” (Gen. 26:19-20). How does Isaac respond? He simply moves on and digs another well. Unfortunately, a quarrel broke out over that well too. Once again, he avoids the contention and moves on and digs yet another well. This time they did not quarrel over it, and Isaac concludes, “For now the LORD has made room for us, and we shall be fruitful in the land” (vs. 22). Be honorable, keep aloof from strife, and God will bless you also.

 

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