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OSSIPA Meditation on Gossip from the Book of Proverbs
Our words can bring about life or death, they can heal or wound, they can forgive or condemn, they can build up or tear down. “The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her hands tears it down” (Pro. 14:1). I’ve never actually seen a woman tear down her house with her hands, but I have seen more than one woman tear it down with her tongue. Men also have the capacity to wield their tongue like a wrecking ball.
One the most damaging sins in the church today is gossip. One pastor noted that while drugs, alcohol and adultery have slain their thousands, gossip and backbiting have slain their tens of thousands. Every experienced pastor unfortunately understands the truth behind that statement. Gossip, which is spreading bad information about someone that is only destructive, is deadly.
We need discernment here, because what we sometimes call gossip isn’t gossip, and what we sometimes don’t consider gossip is gossip. On one occasion a member of our church was considering recommending another member for a job. He asked me if I thought this person was a good worker. I didn’t, and I told him so. Did I gossip? I don’t believe so. I told the truth in an appropriate context that served a constructive purpose. If, on the other hand, I just freely and indiscriminately talk about the laziness of this person, for no particular reason than “I feel like it,” that would be gossip.
“A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret” (11:13, NIV). Once again, this calls for discernment. Some secrets should not be kept confidential, because keeping some secrets allows a person to continue in a sinful, illegal or dangerous behavior. If, however, you must tell a parent or authority for the person’s well-being, leave it there. Don’t then also go and tell ten of your closest friends about the situation. Keep the juicy morsel to yourself.
Gossip ruins friendships. “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer (gossip) separates close friends” (16:28). “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats the matter separates close friends” (17:9). Therefore, do not associate with such people (20:19).
Closely related to gossip is tattling. “He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips” (20:19, KJV). This is a hard one for parents, because they like to know when their children are misbehaving. But if you’re not careful, one of your children can turn into a spy. So when is it okay, and when is it not okay to tattle? It’s okay when they’re concerned about their sibling or friend’s well-being, it’s not okay when they’re just trying to get them in trouble. If cute, little Jane comes running in the house, “Daddy, Johnny’s climbing on the ladder! I’m afraid he’s going to get hurt.” That’s very different than, “Daddy, you told Johnny not to climb on the ladder, but he blatantly disobeyed you. I think he needs a spanking, don’t you?” Dad should respond, “Yes, he does…and so do you, young lady.” We are warned, and must teach our children, “Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles” (24:17).
The Puritan Thomas Watson said, “It makes little difference whether you carry the devil around in your mouth or your ear.” It takes two to tango, and it takes two to gossip. We are involved in gossip, when we spread it, and when we listen to it. If people feel comfortable telling you “the latest,” why do they? If you say nothing, they will assume you agree with them. And don’t be surprised if that gets spread around. If you think that you are being told information that you should not be privy to, you have a responsibility to say so. If you hold people accountable for what they say, by perhaps suggesting that you go together to the appropriate person, you will find people less inclined to tell you gossip next time, or perhaps anybody else for that matter.
Late one evening a pastor was seen staggering out of a bar by one of the ladies in his congregation. She was appalled, and told two others in the church, who in turn each told two others…and so the story spread like wild fire, until the whole town knew. The pastor confronted this lady in his church and explained how another gentleman in their church was struggling with alcohol, and had called him from the bar because he was in no condition to drive. He was stumbling, because he was helping this man out of the bar. The lady felt terrible, but the damage had been done, and it could not be undone. If only gossipers would learn to bite their tongue. If only Christians were bold enough to confront gossipers and make them turn around and talk to the right people. If only…the church could be the family it’s supposed to be.
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