W
ALK WITH THE WISE (1)Practical Wisdom on Peer Pressure and Friendships
Genesis 2:18 is stunning. God himself pronounces that something is not good in his perfect world. He says, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a helper fit for him.” The immediate context of course is marriage, but the application is broader: God never created us to be alone. Technically speaking Adam isn’t alone. He has all the animals to relate to; even more significantly he has a relationship with the living God. Yet this isn’t sufficient. At this point we are implicitly warned not to be more spiritual than God, and say, “All I need is God.” That’s simply not true. It wasn’t even true before the fall, when Adam’s relationship with God was unaffected by sin. We were created from the beginning with a need for a relationship with the living God and other people.
Proverbs 1:10 gives the first bit of practical advice to “my son.” “My son, if sinners entice you, do not give in to them.” These parents waste no time to pass along a warning about peer pressure. These parents clearly perceive the powerful influence of one’s peers. I once heard about a man being interviewed on his 100th birthday. He was asked about the advantages of living so long. He quipped that he no longer has to worry about peer pressure. The rest of us do.
The Bible states that at any age we want godly, righteous and wise friends. Therefore, we must choose our friends carefully. Proverbs 12:26 says, “A righteous man is cautious in friendship” (NIV). The ESV footnote provides this possible translation of the difficult Hebrew, “The righteous chooses his friends carefully.” The reason for this caution and careful choosing of friends is given in the second half of the verse: “but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” It’s an undeniable reality that our friends have a powerful influence upon us, in spite of our temptation to believe the contrary.
Steve Wilkins writes, “Young people especially need to under-stand and avoid this temptation, as they are more susceptible to sur-rounding influences, whether they realize it or not. Their friends will either provoke them to holiness or encourage them in wickedness—it will be one or the other. It is never neutral. God has so constituted us that we will become like our friends. It is folly for a young person to think that he will be the one who will turn around all of his foolish friends. There are far too many examples in Scripture against this kind of thinking for anyone to seriously believe it, but still, being sinners, we always like to make ourselves out as great heroes who will save everyone in the end. The reality is that we are not great heroes, especially when we are young. And he will be another fool who fancies that he will be the exception. He tells himself that while everybody else is corrupted by bad friends, he will change them. He seems to ignore the fact that God has told him exactly the opposite. Over and over Scripture warns against ungodly companions” (Steve Wilkins, Face To Face, p.22).
Proverbs is serious about admonishing us to avoid bad associations like the plague. We are to avoid violent men (1:15), those with perverted speech (2:12), fools (14:7), the proud (16:9), as well as a gossip who talks too much (29:19) and those who drink too much (23:20). Also, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man,” and once again we are given the reason, “or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared” (22:24-25).
I want to remind young people, who are ready to assert their independence, that their friendships affect their parents. “A companion of gluttons disgraces his father” (28:7). Children who love God and their parents will be motivated to choose friends of whom their parents approve. Due to how God created us friendships are inescapable, but we should continually evaluate whether our different friendships are a help or a hindrance to our Christian pilgrimage. If they really are a help it should be obvious to other people who are close to you, like your parents. Parents should be able to say to their son or daughter, “Since you’ve become friends with so-and-so I’ve noticed that you’ve been more respectful…or more disciplined with your homework…or more concerned about honoring the Lord in all you do.” If they say, “Since you’ve become friends with so-and-so you’ve really had an attitude…or you’ve become derelict in your chores…or you’ve dressed more immodestly,” then your friend clearly is a hindrance, no matter how much you may protest, or how popular they may be at school or in the neighborhood. There is no circumventing the immutable truth, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (13:20).
W
ALK WITH THE WISE (2)Do Not Be Unequally Yoked
The admonition “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” (2 Cor. 6:14a) is a reference to a principle found in the OT origin-ally concerning the yoking of different animals. The text Paul has in mind is Deuteronomy 22:10: “You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together.” Since these animals are so different they shouldn’t be expected to cooperate with each other in a close relationship.
It is worth noting that the animal kingdom is designed to teach us lessons about the Christian life. For example, we read in 1 Corinthians 9:9-10: “For it is written in the Law of Moses, ‘You shall not muzzle an ox when it treads out the grain.’ Is it for oxen that God is concerned? Does he not speak entirely for our sake? It was written for our sake, because the plowman should plow in hope and the thresher thresh in hope of sharing in the crop” (For other examples see Pro. 1:17; 6:5-8; 7:22). In addition to the application of the plowman and the thresher, Paul uses the principle about feeding oxen to show that there is a place for a minister to be paid for his spiritual work. Similarly, we are expected to say of Deuteronomy 22:10, “Is God concerned about the animals not co-operating with each other? Does he not speak entirely for our sake? It was written for our sake, because believers and unbelievers are so different that you shouldn’t expect them to work well together in close, intimate relationships.
The question we are forced to ask in light of the admonition is “what kind of unions or relationships with unbelievers are prohibited?” Clearly, the separation Paul is calling for in this passage is not the separation of a monk who physically leaves the world to live in isolation in a mountain monastery where he only associates with other holy people. Paul assumes that Christians will associate with sexually immoral people, greedy people, swindlers and even idolaters (1 Cor. 5:9-10). Besides, without some kind of contact and interaction with pagans, we could never be the salt and light that Christ calls us to be (Matt. 5:13-16); we could never fulfill the Great Commission, which requires us to “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations” (Matt. 28:18-20) – nations which are wicked and sinful. However, it is also clear that Paul is concerned about the kinds of relationships that Christians have with non-Christians, and not all these relationship are OK. So, which are OK and which are not?
Murray Harris writes of being unequally yoked, “this is a prohibition against forming close attachments with non-Christians… Paul is content to state a general principle that needs specific application under the Spirit’s guidance. In expanded form the principle might be expressed thus: ‘Do not form any relationship, whether temporary or permanent, with unbelievers that would lead to a compromise of Christian standards or jeopardize consistency of Christian witness. And why such separation? Because the unbeliever does not share the Christian’s standards, sympathies, or goals” (Murray Harris, The Expositor’s Bible Commentary, p. 187, emphasis added). The key idea here is that of “close attachments,” and attachments that result in compromise. And, unfortunately, this com-promising happens more often than most Christians care to admit.
1 Corinthians 6:14a is often cited as Scriptural support to counsel a Christian not to marry a non-Christian. While this is a good application, which I whole-heartedly agree with, we need to realize that this is only one application of dozens that could be made. What about business partnerships? What about friendships? Many will respond, “But Jesus was a friend of sinners.” Was he? Jesus’ generation called him “A glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!” (Lk. 7:34). But was any of that true? While Jesus dined with sinners, and declared the gospel to them, he wasn’t technically their friend. Friendship with Jesus is conditional. Jesus said to his disciples, “You are my friends if you do what I command you” (Jn. 15:14). Only Christians can sincerely sing, “What a friend we have in Jesus…”
Five antithetical, rhetorical questions follow to reinforce the command to not be “unequally yoked.” “For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols?” (2 Cor. 6:14b-16a). The answer to each of these questions is an emphatic “NONE!” Christians and non-Christians may have much in common at a superficial level. But loving the same sports team is ultimately meaningless when you don’t love and serve the same God. Consider carefully with whom you yoke.
W
ALK WITH THE WISE (3)Seek Godly Counsel from Elders, and Not just Your Peers
I can still remember talking to one of my professors my senior year
of college. I was young and anxious to get into the ministry full time, but he encouraged me to look at the big picture. His recommendation was that I seriously consider going to seminary and serving God with my Master’s degree and not just with my Bachelor’s. He told me I was young and single, so I should take advantage of that to get a few more years of education. From his perspective I had my whole life ahead of me, so I needed to build on a solid educational foundation. He was probably being polite, since he knew I wasn’t ready for the ministry, and really needed a lot more training. Regardless, I praise God for bringing an older and wiser man into my life to provide me with godly counsel. It changed my life. Even as I write this my emotions are stirred at God’s goodness. It’s not an exaggeration to say that counsel can affect the whole trajectory of your life – positively or negatively, depending on the counsel.
Counsel can not only influence individual lives, it can also influence families, churches and nations. Israel transitioned from being a united kingdom to being a divided kingdom, because Rehoboam, Solomon’s son who succeeded him as king, rejected good counsel and followed bad counsel. First Kings 12 tells us that soon after Rehoboam became king, “Jeroboam and all the assembly of Israel came and said to Rehoboam, ‘Your father made our yoke heavy. Now therefore lighten the hard service of your father and his heavy yoke on us, and we will serve you.’ He said to them, ‘Go away for three days, then come again to me’” (vv. 3-5). Rehoboam had better give a wise response, because it will determine the whole course of his reign over Israel. Rehoboam discerns this so he seeks out counsel. Rehoboam is to be commended at this point. He at least has enough sense and humility to ask others what they think. “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advise” (Prov. 12:15). And “in abundance of counselors there is safety” (11:14).
“Then King Rehoboam took counsel with the old men, who had stood before Solomon his father while he was yet alive, saying, ‘How do you advise me to answer this people?’ And they said to him, ‘If you will be a servant to this people today and serve them, and speak good words to them when you answer them, then they will be your servants forever’” (1 Kgs. 12:6-7). Rehoboam turns to his father’s counselors for guidance. A prudent move, since these men have already proven to be reliable and capable men with years of experience under Solomon. They made it clear that a favorable answer would endear him to the people and would establish his throne securely.
“But [Rehoboam] abandoned the counsel that the old men gave him and took counsel with the young men who had grown up with him and stood before him… And the young men who had grown up with him said to him, ‘Thus shall you speak to this people who said to you, ‘Your father made our yoke heavy, but you lighten it for us,’ thus shall you say to them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s thighs. And now, whereas my father laid on you a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke. My father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions…’ So the king did not listen to the people, for it was a turn of affairs brought about by the LORD” (vv. 8, 10-11, 15). This harsh response resulted in a rebellion, with Rehoboam fleeing to Jerusalem, and Jeroboam becoming king over Israel. Thus the kingdom was divided. Only Judah followed Rehoboam (vv. 16-20). And the rest, as they say, is history.
I wish I could impress upon young people the importance of listening to those who are older and wiser. There is a reason why, for example, older women are to train the younger women to love their husbands and children. They have learned a few things over the years that can benefit the next generation, if they will listen. Too many arrogant know-it-alls have unnecessarily made foolish decisions, because they thought they didn’t need any outside input. I once talked with a Christian high school student who made a major life decision without talking to one mature Christians or even his parents who were Christians. The only counsel that came to this student was from unbelievers and other teenagers. As a general rule of thumb, the greater the decision, the greater the need for godly counsel, which usually means counsel from those who are older and have already been where you are. May our young people be different and heed the advice of Solomon: “Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance” (Prov. 1:5).
Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way, you do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction, and you do not make more than 1,000 physical copies. For web posting, a link to this document on our website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be explicitly approved by Fox Lake Community Church